It’s January 1 and literally everywhere I turn there is the message that we were all supposed to wake up this morning as a completely new person. We all know that this notion is bullshit but we play along with it anyway. My New Year’s wish this year is to find “me” again. The past five years have been rough and through that time, I have somehow buried myself under protective layers of conformity, politeness, and deferential behavior that I hardly recognize myself anymore.

Take this blog, for instance. There was a time when I was fearless in sharing anything here since this is – literally – my domain. But then I started thinking things like “oh no, what if someone I work with reads something here and misinterprets what I am saying?” or “What if a coworkers reads a post and then judges me before they even know me?” I now clearly see how this kind of thinking was the beginning of the end of me. Who the eff cares what someone else thinks?! I say that to myself all the time, but yet my actions say otherwise. I care. Too much. And that needs to change ASAP.

This post from Ann Handley yesterday started me thinking about how 2019 should look.

 

I haven’t had a vision for what life and work should look like in a few years, and it shows. I’m in a job where I can’t show my personality very much (in a corporate environment) and where my passion for writing has been almost removed from my day-to-day job. I look back and ask “How did I let that happen?!?” and I have no answer for myself. Complacency? Probably. Laziness? No, I am not a lazy person, but I’ve been lazy about going after what I want.

I may not be able to change my job responsibilities overnight, but what I can do is to start sharing this journey through middle age and middle management – no matter who may read these posts and judge me. I know that I am not the only one in mid-life who is struggling with a sense of (job) purpose and a sense of self. I’ll also be flexing my writing muscles again. If you are a blog post subscriber, then I thank you for following along.

Here’s to 2019 – New year, same old me but with a little continuous improvement.